In February of 2018, I started planning to leave my job. I decided that I would leave in October. I left in December, and there were still loose ends.
It took me a lot to pick up and move.
I started off with a very basic emotion: fear.
I was afraid of ending my days doing a job that I liked but did not love.
I was afraid of being without a job.
I was afraid of poverty, and I still am.
Most of all, however, I was afraid of not trying. I was very afraid that if I died and did not try to do the thing that I really loved–to write–then I would forever sell myself short.
We are some of us moths flying into flame,
Burned and burning yet unable to give a damn,
propelled by a force we cannot name
To escape, to wander this wondrous land.
We set off, in uneven times, with a strangled cry,
despite a prudent fear of the unknown;
There is sure loss of life for those that will not try
To flee the far, far greater peril of the known.
There’s risk in staying still: yawning to death,
Softening, or miserable suffocation.
Such hope for new life and free breath,
Brings us, panting, to the platform of a station.
And God knows we miss some things left behind:
The work unfinished, the plans unstarted,
Sentimental things, a cherished friend so kind,
The people and the animals, the heavenly departed.
But life is short. It is astoundingly, unflinchingly short.
It is but a blink in the universe, here and then gone,
It flashes by so quickly that there is little time to sort
The nursery from the hospice, the sunset from the dawn.
There were many decisions to be made. I needed first to decide where I wanted to go.
After months of deliberation, I settled on Sayulita, Mexico.
There were a few reasons. America seemed too expensive to live in without a regular income, even in states with a low cost of living.
Faraway places would require airfare, and I could take fewer things. I would need to re-purchase more things once I arrived.
I could drive to Mexico, and I could be near the ocean. I love to swim. I love warm weather. I love fruits and coffee. I like the Mexican people.
Thus, I chose Mexico.