It was the night before Christmas
And way out in the field
Jake had an idea
Which held marvelous appeal!
Jake said, “Come to the next pasture—
I’ve got an idea for a dare!
We’ll visit Farmer Bixby’s old stable;
He keeps his bucking bull there!”
So the four friends marched over,
Through the snow and the fog,
Past barbed wire fences
And over iced logs.
With each step they crunched
The cold, glittering snow
And steam rose from their mouths
With each breath they did blow.
There in the distance
With not a light from within
Stood the old battered structure
Which kept the bucking bull penned.
At first there was no sign
Of the great bucking bull
Then they smelled on the clear air
The scent of that huge animal.
Then at last they saw it!
It lay curled in deep sleep,
Like a monstrous black boulder
On the far side of the keep.
Jake rubbed his hands happily
And said, “This will be a neat trick—
I’ll put my Santa Claus hat on the bull,
And he’ll be a bovine Saint Nick!”
His friend Chris was the calm one,
And he said, “Well, for my part,
I think that bull is a mean one—
He gored my old dog through her heart!”
But Jake’s other friends shushed Chris,
And they cheered for Jake’s plan,
Saying that this Christmas spirit,
Was the best one for a man!
You needed no bells or whistles
Nor flouncy decorative halls!
You just needed good buddies,
And a big pair of balls!
So Jake slipped over the railing
And into the pen,
As his friends they grew quiet
And looked on with great grins.
Jake slowly crossed over
The ground of the sty,
And he was quite near the bull
When it opened one eye!
Jake froze on his tiptoes,
With the Santa hat in his hand
And he murmured some calm words
That the bull did not understand.
The bull sprang to its feet,
And it started to run—
Moving quite quickly
For something weighing a ton!
Now Jake started to run
Like a sprinter, world class,
When the bull lowered his head
And put his horns up Jake’s ass!
Jake’s friends looked on in horror
And they grimaced in fright
When, with a flick of its head,
The bull made Jake take flight!
Jake went sailing and screaming
Through the dark sky
And landed in cow pies
On the far side of the sty.
His friends they raced to him,
For he moved not at all.
They were sick to their stomachs
From witnessing his fall.
The bucking bull watched them,
Snorted, and pawed the cold ground,
Then it turned in a circle,
And plopped right back down.
It lay on its haunches,
Relaxed in its pen,
Nearly completely assured
That he wouldn’t be bothered again.
Jake’s four friends they reached him,
And found him hurt but not dead,
He grinned up at them weakly, saying,
“The best place for that hat is my head!”